there's a first time for everything...
(no knitting today -- don't read if you're squeamish!)

Today started off relaxing... I got up when the sun came streaming in my window (hooray, it's finally spring!), and sat down with a cup of tea to read some knitting blogs. At 8:30, a classmate called me to tell me that my group was being paged to view an autopsy at the hospital, and that I had to get there within 45 minutes. That presented a bit of a problem, since the only bus that would get me there in time was scheduled to pass by 7 minutes later and I was still in my pj's...

With nothing but tea in my stomach and a muffin in my hand, I shot out the door 6.5 minutes later and barely made it to the bus stop in time to get to the hospital! At the autopsy office (which, I might point out, is VERY near the cafeteria), we suited up and entered the procedure room. Now, I have seen a dead body before, having had gross anatomy dissection last fall -- but the bodies used for gross anatomy are fixed and stored for quite a while before the class. That means that they are a fairly uniform grey color and smell like chemicals, and besides the face do not really resemble the living. The decendent on the table, however, was quite lifelike and bore evidence of many recent medical procedures.

As we watched the procedures being performed by pathology residents, the attending physician floated around the room kindly explaining both pathology technique and basic bodily structures. She gently prodded us to recall what we had learned during classes, but focused on teaching us and making sure we could see all of the process of autopsy. My biggest fear going into this experience was that I am highly sensitive to bad odors and that I might be overwhelmed by smell... and in retrospect, it was a very relevant concern! The "blood and guts" seemed only fitting to be inside of a recently alive person, but the smells and noises that came out during the procedure made me quite uncomfortable!

The process also made me reflect on when my own mother passed away several years ago... at the time, I was frustrated by the autopsy results (and the lack of a definitive cause of death), and did not have any depth of understanding about autopsy in general. As I thought about the dry respect offered by the autopsy personnel towards a body that they had never known, I focused on the decedent's family and what this process feels like from the outside. This may be the only chance I have during my entire career to focus on the emotional aspects of the experience without any pressure to know or to produce results.

In the end, reaching out to touch the back of his hand and wish his family well left the strongest impression on me. Unfortunately, due to the ridiculosly hectic nature of medical school, 5 minutes later I was scarfing down a sandwich in the lecture hall and cramming pathways of the motor systems of the body into my brain. It feels good to process life a little bit, every now and then...